07/06 Uppsala, Sweden

06 Jul 1985, Posted by Scott An Chora in Travelogue, No Comments.

07/06 Uppsala, Sweden


With a cup of coffee and a cigarette, I got an early start and headed toward Gavie to see its shores.  All this talk about love and kissing had got me thinking about it as well.  In regards to the young ladies that had entered my life that I have loved, I always acted as a gentleman and never took control until the door was open and I was invited in.  I needed a green light.  As I was growing up I knew a young lady from a distance.  I was always attracted to her physically and wanted to know her better but our social circles never intersected.  A few years after High School we had met up at a party of a mutual friend and during our conversation I asked her on a date.  To sidestep a “No thank you” response, I frosted the invitation with a ticket to a concert.  I had been planning on seeing Neil Young, who was performing solo at the Universal Amphitheater in LA and had been contemplating who I should take and here an opportunity stood.  I asked her and she said yes.  I felt we were having a good time and at the end of the evening, while sitting in her driveway I attempted to kiss her good night, nothing but a good night kiss.  My hands were kept to myself.  She responded by pushing me away and proceeded to place a few nails in the coffin of any real relationship we might have.  She stated, “I’m not attracted to you but we can still be friends”.  Well this was not just some traffic in the intersection, so I backed away to avoid any debris.  After this incident, she would call me up on occasion.  “Would you like to go bike riding?”, spaghetti dinner at her mother’s house, or something else along those lines.  We kept in touch and became friends.  “The stars are raindrops searching for a place to fall”.  Or perhaps she senesced that I was broken, dealing with issues she’s rather avoid.  She was unwilling to know me, to step into my space and I was left with unfulfilled desires.  Inside I still had hope that we might become closer, that she might see me as a valuable friend.  Although the traffic light would seem to turn green on occasion, it was only a tease.  With any indication that I might try entering the intersection, the light would quickly turn red again.  I normally avoided these types of obstacles and was never one to tolerate games for very long.  I decided I would keep my pride intact and not pursue her.  From time to time we would get together.  We took a couple of trips, drew patterns of each other’s bodies.  I waited but never got a green light.  On a couple of occasions I got the impression she didn’t like my constraint and would play with me to see how close to the intersection she could get me before she’d turn the light red.  Then one day she disappeared without a word.  I still think about her from time to time and she still is a part of me and my dreams.  “Sail on, sail on my little honey bee, sail on”.

I’m dreamin of things that we never did, sunset and sights to see
I hold in my sighs, letting the days roll on by, such things that will never be

I remember our trip and the hills that we climbed and wondered why we never could
the image still walks, like a ghost in my mind, still hoping that some day we would

I was now free to explore without questions, and headed up the coast into Soundvail and arrived in Ostersund with a pair of young ladies from the states.  They had made reservations with the local tourist office and suggested I come along.  Perhaps they’ll have a room for me too.  As it turned out they only had availability for females but were kind enough to point me in the direction of a couple of inexpensive rooms.  I sat out in front of a concert hall for two hours waiting for a call to be placed home.  There was a beautiful young lady sitting there by herself, waiting for a friend who was performing in a local play.  During our conversation she suggested a nice restaurant in town and I suggested she join me.  We had a nice meal and a long conversation but she was quite young, so I gave her a peck on the cheek and said goodnight.  Although she might disagree, it was the right thing to do.  The weather wasn’t too cold and it was well past midnight. I had already spent more than my daily allotment on food, so I decided to sleep on the street.  In my pocket I still had a joint and decided to take one last chance in a local nightclub.  At the very least I could kill a few hours.  I couldn’t locate a single smile.  Not one individual had promise.  There was live music and a good crowd. The crowd was well dressed but just sat across looking at one another, more interested in their own cigarettes and their new clothes than each other.  It looked more like a fashion show than a fun night out on the town.  I tried to start up a couple of conversations but my wardrobe only led to unanswered questions.

Will fashion rule, in nature’s art, life’s pain, a daily threat
to shut, all such dreams, down in your heart and sail away, love please, not forget

After that non-eventful pair of beers, I wandered about the city in search for place to sleep.  I must have walked for about an hour until I decided to scale a fence into a construction site.  It was about the only place that wasn’t attracting bugs.  They had completed the framing but very little of the dry wall had been nailed up, so when the wind decided to blow, there was really nowhere to hide.  I managed very little sleep.  I just wasn’t too successful in persuading myself to sleep through all this but on a positive note, I didn’t get a single bug bite.

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    Usually behind a cup of coffee waiting for the world around me to wake up I entered today’s thoughts about yesterday’s activities into my travel journal. I’m not a writer, so I’ll apologize in advance if I jump around or seem confused. These are just the thoughts of a young man who left his possessions behind and who believes that getting lost is how one finds oneself.

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